spEak You’re bRanes

We brits need to admit to ourself that we have LOST control of what it means to be British and just ride off into the sunset with what pride we have left.
I am myself leaving in january with a tear in my eye.
FORCED out as a refugee by left wing biggots who have sold my country.
Mark, Plymouth

These fucking militant lefties eh? Losing control of what it means to be British! Careless fools! They should have kept what it means to be British somewhere safer (probably in an ornately carved box, lined with fur from Her Majesty’s own mimsy). What were they doing instead? Selling off our transport systems, hospitals and schools to multinational corporate communists, intent on redistributing our wealth, that’s what!

We need a law to FORCE corporations and governments to adopt capitalism and prevent this red plague from spreading further. If we fail, we will FORCE more breathtakingly gullible halfwits like Mark to ride off into the sunset with tears in their eyes.

On the teacher being charged with something ludicrous in Sudan.

If this country (and religion) insists on being stuck hundreds of years in the past then Britain should take a ‘colonial’ stance on this if they harm one hair on her head - I hope I don’t have to draw a picture!
[andrew_dorking]

Here you go. I found a handy diagram just in case we need to adopt a “colonial stance”.

Look. I drew you with your hammer as well.

Thanks to Siôn for this one from the debate on whether we should extend the detention period for people with beards.

A jolly good idea. You can’t have terrorists wandering the streets will-nilly. You never know what they might get up to.
James, Sherborne

I saw one of them terrorists buying flowers the other day. Anthrax flowers I expect.

I think James is taking the piss. As usual, I’m worried I might be wrong.

This one was very popular. Thanks to Matt and Liam for both submtting it.

The belief among some people that democracy can be the solution for Pakistan is naive.

The sad truth is that Pakistan is incapable of democratic government.

The real question is whether Pakistan is going to be governed by the military or by extremist Muslim Clerics.

Take your pick - but if the military have the sense & courage to build a secular nation as Kemal Attaturk did in Turkey, it would be by far the better choice.
Herbert Thornton, Canada

Darkies eh? Can’t live with ‘em, can’t prop up their corrupt governments and keep them in poverty whilst generally bombing the fuck out of them whenever you feel like it. Whaddayagonnado?

The fact that Gordon Brown & Co. are prepared to make whoopee with this sociopathic tyrant says all we need to know about our current government. I don’t suppose there’s any chance of an election anytime soon, is there?

Francis Carey, London

The fact that you probably need oil for your car, to make plastics, to fly in your food and to make your cleaning products and pharmaceuticals mean we have no option but to be nice to the sociopathic tyrant. Even the Lib-Dems vaguely understand.

[Peter_Sym], Nottingham

Oh Francis, you poor naive hippy. You need to stop looking at this in terms of such outmoded concepts as “right” and “wrong”. It’s a bit like the whole Iraq thing. Either a few of us give up being obscenely wealthy, or we kill a few hundred thousand people who we never met. We need self-important fools like Peter Sym to remind us that we have the right to privilege while people born elsewhere don’t even have the right to live. Otherwise we might have to give up our fucking miserable shopping centres.

Thanks to Gareth.

A major cause of the problems created by immigration is that people who come have no real connection with Britain. There are language problems and cultural problems all of which cost the country money, and upset the cultural balance.
I suggest that instead of encouraging immigration from the EU, we return to focusing on immigrants from the “old” Commonwealth, e.g. Canada, Australia, New Zealand, etc where the old values of the UK have been rooted and built upon, and whose people speak English.

[Brucelog], Redditch, United Kingdom

That’s all very reasonable. It’s time we had a debate on this. Every time I try, the “PC Brigade” call me racist just because I happen to dislike all brown people and those cunts from Poland. It’s not racism, it’s “intelligent hating”.

Some countries are not capable of being governed in a democratic manner. It just so happens, from centuries of experience, that Pakistan is one such nation. It is a nation rife with corruption and a violent tribal heritage, therefore a strong dictatorship (preferably benevolent in nature) is the most suitable option.

Mal Borne, P’boro, United Kingdom

Indeed. We British should know, we invented it, then had to work extra hard to gain our “centuries of experience” in the 60 years that have since elapsed.

You were really hard to categorise Mal. I had to put you in “Permanently Bewildered”, “Delusions of Grandeur”, “Armchair Generals”, “Werthers Original Imperialists”, and “Racists”. I nearly added a new category just for you. I was going to call it simply “Pricks”.

“Is scouting still relevant today?
A word of warning to the PC loony lefty pro human rights pro Health and Safety to death extremeists. Without this great institution, our society would be a whole lot worse! Stay away from tampering with the Scouting movement and let youngsters enjoy what I did so much thirty years ago. You can’t replace, camping, firemaking, expeditions, knot and rope craft, canoeing, and service to the public etc with video games and a play station. 1977

Charlie the Cat Hatestheleft, ASBOville (formally known as Calne..) Speedcamerashire, United Kingdom

Chin up Charlie! You may have nothing left to live for but at least you’ll be dead soon.

Thanks to Céline for finding this.

I am sure it will, toddlers in their early age need their parents, particularly mumy who would help them develop their character. I like the Victorian era where mummy was at home looking after the whole family. Hope this would come back again..

**Islam**, Southampton

Every family needs a gigantic, fertile mummy-cowqueen. The comparison isn’t really fair though. Back in those days you only had to look after them for a couple of years. After that they were either dead or up a chimney.

There is no doubt that less tailored styles and softer colours make the wearer ‘less authoritative’, but it also makes them look sloppy and inefficient. I am not impressed with what the staff of London Underground and the Post Office are wearing. In fact, when our ‘postie’ cycles up he would not look out of place cycling idly along a country road as if on holiday. Call me old fashioned, but a smart uniform requires good personal appearance and thus self discipline. London Underground staff with masses of hair sticking out at all angles from their caps make them look scruffy and unreliable - not the image an efficient transport system wishes to convey. The same goes for the scouts - gone are the days of ’spit and polish’ and the pride when inspected on parade. The scouts today wear a bit of this and a bit of that, the result being a group of children that look more like refugees than an organised scout group. We go on about the chaos in society today and demand law and order. It is not the building of more prisons that will resolve this, but a return to the basics of self respect - and we could start with smartening ourselves up a bit!
Noddy, Soton

Wise words Noddy. Did Elgar compose “Nimrod” whilst wearing shit-streaked pants and a dressing gown with egg on it?? Did he bollocks. He was wearing epaulettes and a pair of proper shiny shoes.