spEak You're bRanes

Good news. There’s still a 60% chance you won’t get cancer. Thanks to Charlie.

More people get cancer because their parents survive cancer due to advanced medicine. So the cancer causing genes are being passed on more than ever. And the medicine/care for these cancer patients is escalating costs massively. We are hindering the Darwin Principle. If we stop cancer victims having offspring or ensure the offspring don’t have the cancer genes, this would be better for our future!
Neo

Well, I applaud Neo’s courageous stance. We’re so pathetically sentimental about the sanctity of human life that this sort of brutal rationalism feels like a breath of fresh air. I mean, we human beings are just creatures like any other, aren’t we? Mere mammals. Just one of a whole bunch of organisms pissing and shitting all over the place. Nothing special.

Except, in a way, we’re actually much worse than all the other animals. Because they have no choice but to keep it raw, whereas we have our highly developed intelligence, and thousands of years of civilisation, culture and ethics. We really have no excuse for leaving turds like Neo bobbing about on the surface of the gene pool.

In fact, it’s only thanks to our wishy-washy insistence on attaching equal value to all human life that such a wonky, broken mistake – someone so dangerously antisocial that he uses his own good health as a cosh with which to beat the sick – should be allowed to limp across the landscape of our species’ development without angry crowds of pitchfork-toting yokels following in his zigzagging wake. There’s an irony in this so beautiful that it gives me pleasure. Real, pure, untainted joy. Yes, I’m actually a happier man for Neo’s existence. And that is why I’ll always be better than him.

Now, which of you fuckheads let him out of the lab?

Thanks to Neil, who pointed out John and his unique views on sex crime.

I am not a paedophile. I abhor the thought of Adults engaging in any sexual activity with minors. But I reckon that if more youngsters had a view of external Genitalia of both sexes of the human race There would be greater understanding & less sex crime.
JOHN

Here’s some advice, John: it’s been long established that starting your statement with “I am not a _____” is a dead giveaway, so if you really want to convince us all that you should be able to flash your wing dang doodle at kids, then take a tip from this chode and at least try and dress up your language a bit. Otherwise the intentions behind your reasoned argument about kids getting more involved with penises on a regular basis and there being less sex crime as a result sounds a bit… well, a bit like you’re trying to reason your way into committing a sex crime.

Prevention is better than cure, John, but your penis is neither of those things.

We have Justin to thank for FirstAdvisor. Thanks Justin.

Justin says that “Pretty much anything FirstAdvisor has to say” marks him out for being a grade A tagnut. Actually, I added the tagnut bit, but you can have a go at completing Justin’s sentence for him as well. Pretty much anything derogatory toward FirstAdvisor is going to be right. Favourites around here right now are “anal polyp”, “rotting elephant period” and “just some kind of cunt.”

I probably shouldn’t say cunt. After all, there’s enough undereducated, idiotic misogyny worthy of a 1950s sitcom going around without me contributing to it. Isn’t there.

The whole idea of females working outside the typical occupations of teaching, nursing, agriculture, clerking, retail, and so on is wildly impractical and unrealistic. The percentage of exceptional females in a field of typical males just isn’t high enough to make any significant influence in any national economy. The major importance of females is as consumers, mindlessly keeping the economy rolling along by buying worthless garbage like makeup and 10 pairs of shoes.
FirstAdvisor

So we take some exceptional females – albeit a massively high percentage of them – put them in a field with some typical males and then the economy grows? I’m confused. Why are they in a field? I know people are trying to ‘grow’ the economy, but I don’t think they mean it in the agricultural sense. Besides, how is exceptional females standing around in a field supposed to help? Is it the agricultural skills? Does it keep them away from shoes and makeup? Is that the plan? We’re going to take exceptional females and surround them with men in a field so they stop thiking about shoes and makeup and concentrate on agricultural skills? But don’t shoes and makeup grow the economy? Oh, wait, no. We put the exceptional ones in a field with some men, plough some shit up, earn some money that way, and then the typical females stand in a street with exceptional males and Bob’s your uncle, something wonderful happens, like they use the money from the exceptional females working in the field to buy shoes while the exceptional males stand around with clipboards and do some research proving that once and for all, you’re some kind of cunt.

Sorry, I think I called him a cunt again. Whoops. I meant, of course, some kind of cunt.

Libyan mothers crying? Only for the cameras. Muslims are incapable of human feelings (being zombie-creatures, human corpses animated by demons from Hell), neither for their little terrorist-larvae nor anything else. It is your humanity which is suspect, since you seem to believe Muslims share it. Are you going to call me a Kraut now, bigot?Your comments are very dull and boring. Nearly everyone on the forum is far smarter and more educated than you are. You write like a 70-year-old farmer.As I have already explained, if you had the IQ to understand the concept, no American is going to tell the truth to a stranger over the phone who knows their full family name and home address, when the American is asked his opinion of Jews. Anyone with an IQ of 70, the legal retardate level, would know this without being told, because he would be born and raised in the US, surrounded by Jews all his life. The American would know to keep his mouth shut about what he honestly thought, and just tell the pollster whatever the pollster wanted to hear. The Gallup poll is pure propaganda, worse than worthless as factual evidence, and everyone in the world knows it. Except you, apparently, because of your low IQ. It’s not surprising that you don’t even know what the word ‘bigot’ means, or that you are one.
FirstAdvisor

You couldn’t make it up. Well, you could, but people would point at you and say things like “You’re making it up!” and wouldn’t ever believe that Rudolf Hoess survived a hanging.

I don’t think we need men with clipboards to conclude this research successfully.

Big up to Simon.

About ten years ago, the only people who read The Economist were people who were willing to splash out a fiver for the privilege, and the only people who wrote to The Economist were people in business and completely batshit people who really wanted the editors to know about their latest crackpot theory on something they’d studied hard for a really long time in the previous issue of The Economist. Often they were the same people, but at least most of them weren’t published.

Now, thanks to the miracle of the technological age, we get to read them all. And thanks to the miracle of this blog, so do you – because misery loves company, and I hate everyone.

It’s interesting to note that you don’t actually have to read the article in order to get the general gist of this prick’s argument. In fact, it helps if you don’t read the article, because at least then you’ll approach it from the same perspective as he does, i.e. knowing fuck all about it.

Samkaie, say hello to the nice people.

I wonder what matters more in this, highly capitalistic society, profit or the joy of sex discrimination?

If I were an employer, I would have paid my employees based on the returns they earn for me, regardless of their sexual orientation. Heck, I would have hired a bunch of gays(I don’t mean to be offensive)if they earned me more money than any other class.

Arguing less payments, promotions based on one’s sexuality is equivalent to a baby “whining” for what it wants.
Nonetheless, courts seem to be more “tolerable and patient” than parents .

It’s obvious, women have all types of problems at work. And as the world has it, men are more productive(on average) than women.

More women are hired in the prostitution/massage/etc. industry because they’re wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy more productive than men.
Men on the other hand, are hired as strategists, technicians etc., because that’s where they outdo their female counterparts.

It’s pointless to argue and “whine” about not getting paid well/etc., when you’re not doing well.
I really doubt Walmart would refuse promoting a woman who would earn the company an equivalent amount to that of 10 men collectively.

Nonetheless, after having improved women rights, they just seem to be wanting evermore.

You get treated the way you treat others, you get paid the way you earn for others.
Samkaie

Awesome. It’s good to know that Samkaie doesn’t mean to be offensive – he just is. He can’t help it, just like women can’t help being less productive and much stupider, and just like gay people can’t help being fundamentally different from ordinary, inoffensive, heterosexual people like Samkaie. But if you gays out there can take some solace from being a different class of person, then it’s that if Samkaie owned a business, he’d totally hire you if you were better than straight people. And he’d probably make you very proud of working for him, bringing visitors around the office to show everyone just how hard-working and productive all his gays are, all the time while completely failing to offend anyone because he doesn’t mean it. Hell, he’d probably put glory holes in the men’s bogs, just for you – if it’d help you be productive, that is.

Good news for women, too! Even though you may not be the genius strategists that men are, and even though you’ll never run first world economies and multi-billion dollar business interests, at least you’re great at wanking men off. That’s an area in which most men are sorely lacking in experience, so it’s good to know that as soon as your boss hears about Samkaie’s research and fires you for being lazy and having periods and vaginas and stuff like that, at least you’ll be able to get a job giving massages with happy endings.

And you’d be so productive at that, you could probably get through ten sweaty, sad losers like Samkaie in about 20 minutes.

Think of the tips, girls. Pun not intended.

Ooh, you lucky pups. We have a pathetic two-man cunt parade for you today. I can’t even tell whether or not they’re taking the piss anymore. Thanks go, respectively, to dom Kaos and Tara.

Drinks firm Diageo funds pregnancy health initiative! No, it’s not a nightmare Paul Verhoeven once had, it’s a BBC News item. Click it and see.

I’ve got a much better idea. Let’s random test pregnant women like we do athletes. Anyone found to have forbidden substances in their urine would be tortured, then have their foetus / unborn child terminated. Sound ridiculous?….not as ridiculous as the Nanny State telling us something we already know…..and by the way, my solution would stop unfit parents having children.
Al

I’ve got an even betterer idea: Al; the entire pro-life lobby; big hole in the ground; maybe some huge, hungry rats for good measure; FIGHT.

Could the Mail possibly lurch any further into self-parodic cuntiness? I didn’t think so, but then I saw the words “Cameron pledges ANOTHER £814m towards vaccinating the world’s poorest children (on top of £2bn we are already going to donate)” spattered like a bitter old man’s thick, lumpy semen over the top of one of their articles.

Clearly seeing this as some kind of challenge, one reader was moved to write the following…

A mass sterilisation programme is what is needed in these places, never mind poring money into them. I am sick and tired of seeing TV reports of people unable to provide for themselves, living in poverty in squalor but manage to reproduce without an ounce of responsibility.
Reg

Should you ever need to make a case for pure, nihilistic despair, you could do worse than point to Reg. Can there really be sense and meaning in a universe that allows a man like him to not only exist, but thrive in a corner of the world in which the basic challenges of survival are so readily met, so far from his withered, acetic caper of a mind that he has the time, energy and resources to spare for looking disdainfully at images of starving brown people he doesn’t want to see, and go on the internet and fucking witter about it?

In a world of order and harmony, Reg would not even be human. He’d be a miraculous, indestructible corn crop and a cold, fresh, clean spring in the most arid part of Sudan.

Super-injunctions blah blah Imogen Thomas blah blah we’re not even sure who we’re disapproving of, to be honest blah blah oh well, here are some pictures of her arse anyway…

Thanks to Kathryn.

Surely if the ‘footballer’ thinks he was being blackmailed he should go to the police, surely if the judge thinks a crime may have been committed he should report it to the police. The judge thinks the footballer doesn’t think he was blackmailed, on what evidence does the judge think the footballer was being blackmailed or does he just think it.
kelly

Surely if ‘kelly’ thought this comment was of any use to anyone he or she should’ve gone away for a few minutes and then come back and tried reading it out loud before deleting all the words closing the browser shutting down the computer and throwing the whole fucking lot in a skip, surely if the reader thinks the comment is of any use to anyone he or she should sober up. This reader thinks kelly didn’t think at all between deciding to comment and hitting the post button, on what evidence does kelly think this wonky, half-formed skeleton of an opinion contributes anything even to what passes for debate at Mail Online or does he or she just think the internet is a big toilet built solely to receive whatever shit passes through his or her dysfunctional cognitive system at any given moment.

Notable American diplomat Richard Holbrooke is dead. Luckily I saw Scotty1694 before he fell foul of the moderators and managed to memorise his comment.

1. At 11:35am on 14 Dec 2010, scotty1694 wrote:
Who?

We’ve all seen these before, I know, but come on. Before anyone else could even blink, Scotty’s in there, letting everybody know how vitally important his complete and utter lack of anything at all to say is. Proudly, completely and pointlessly ignorant. No thought. No intelligence. Not a whiff of awareness of anything in the fucking world. Just pure, determined, tiny-cocked speed. This guy comments like Richard Hammond drives. POW!

Careful, women. This is what can happen if you go out and enjoy yourselves.

And if that’s not enough harrumphing for you, Tara’s dug up this fucker…

These days I always avoid drunken women. Drunken men are bad enough, but drunken women are an absolute nightmare. They’re not only irrational and violent like men; but spiteful and provocative in a uniquely female way. They’re also completely uninhibited sexually, whilst staggering about with more anatomy exposed than covered. They will fawn-over and aggressively flirt with anything in trousers, committing indecent assault almost as a matter of course in the name of `fun’. And if you decline their Amazon overtures, they will either explode into a paroxysm of rage and attack you themselves, incite their boyfriends or husbands to attack on their behalf, or claim that you assaulted them and attempted/committed rape. An obsession with rights has left them with a perverted sense of absolute and self-righteous liberty. Above all things; it is drunken women who have made inner-cities into Saturday night no-go areas for the sober and the sane.
Little Ted

Little Ted, gentleman sex offender, govt_helper with a better editor. He avoids drunken women like the plague. He avoids them by walking straight towards them and dispersing them with his powerful, natural repulsiveness.

If that doesn’t work, he avoids them by getting their partners to beat him up. Then failing that, he avoids them by encouraging them to press charges.

He doesn’t want to do any of this, and he wouldn’t have to if they’d only learn to behave and let go of their silly ideas about ‘rights’ and ‘living their lives the way they see fit’ and ‘expressing their sexuality’ and ‘wearing what they feel like wearing’, because apparently it’s not enough to just stick your cock into her fanny anymore, oh no, now you’re supposed to know what you’re doing with it as well, you’re expected to ‘pleasure’ and ‘satisfy’ her, and woe betide if you don’t, I mean what happened to the good old days when women didn’t really like sex and just pretended to in order to get pregnant and stop you going out and paying for it, and they stood by their man, however revolting he was, not finding attractive men attractive, because they were after more than that, or so they said, but it turns out they aren’t are they, they do want it after all, but then they pretend they don’t want it, and I’m sorry but they’re going to have to make their minds up, do they want it or don’t they, they can’t have it both ways. They need teaching a lesson.

Plus, binge-drinking is detrimental to their health.

Iain found Paul lurking in the comments on this thing about the March 26 protests. You may be wrongfooted early on by what I’ll happily concede is a convincing impression of a reasonable human being. Beware.

I went on the big march, yet I experienced no violence of any kind, although my friend Tony was really pleased to turn up back at the flat with a policeman’s helmet (no, the head wasn’t inside it). That was Grosvenor Square, the famous ‘riot’ of 1968. The media tropes haven’t changed since then, have they? It’s always “Peaceful march ruined by mindless thugs”, followed by some new dollop of oppressive legislation to keep the Mail headline writers happy. Of course, no-one then remembers what the protest was about. One wonders, how many of those masked men kicking at windows were the famous undercover police, or fifth columnists as they used to be known. You can’t tell when they’re masked. It’s really quite alarming, what you’re not allowed to do, say or even think nowadays, how oppressive the authoritarian state has become. While radioactive iodine rains down on Glasgow, a present from @#$%ushima, even George Monbiot now thinks nuclear power is a jolly good idea. But we’re not going to have a say in the matter, are we? – we’re all well-boiled little frogs now.
paul.ingrams

But thanks to his tinfoil hat, Paul has been thinking all kinds of shit, and no motherfucker has kicked his door in and taken him away to any of them government Psi-control Centres yet. Not everyone has been so lucky, however…

“I knew something was very wrong the moment George Monbiot wandered through the back door one day, still wearing his pyjamas, with glassy eyes, flyaway hair and a wet chin.

“‘George?’ I said. ‘You look frightful, old boy. What’s the matter?’

“Staring blankly over my head into the middle distance, George spoke with a voice as flat as my kitchen table: ‘citizen. I have come to tell you about the miracle of nuclear power. Nuclear power is efficient, clean and 100% safe. Nuclear power. This message was brought to you by BNFL plc. Power to you, power to the government. Good day, fellow citizen, I have enjoyed our conversation.’ Then he simply faded into thin air. Gone.

“Well, I thought to myself, this is all very strange. So I decided to post something on the internet about it. But of course, I couldn’t get on the internet. Apparently, you need an internet connection to do that… Yes, convenient, isn’t it? So then I thought, I know! I’ll call the Times news desk, see if they’ll be interested in taking up the story. But I didn’t have a telephone, you see. Or a working line.

“Okay. Not a problem. I’ll ask to borrow a neighbour’s. I was outside before I remembered that I live alone on a tiny, windswept island in the middle of the Atlantic, with no boat or, indeed, any form of transportation.

“I can tell you that sinister forces were at work that day.”

Tinfoil Hat!
RRP £4.93

Have Your Say is changing. Again. And the natives are not happy. Change? What? I DON’T UNDERSTAND. I LIKE THINGS WHEN THEY STAY THE SAME.

They’re adding comment to the bottom of news stories. Whereas at one time you could go and read the news on the BBC website without having some foetid ballache forcing their rancid, shitty, poorly thought out opinion at you, now you won’t be able to escape depressing, awful bollocks because it’ll be right at the bottom of every depressing, awful news story. Just like the Guardian. And don’t we all just strive to have comments of Guardian quality on our news stories?

It’s just too much for some people, and the revolution has started. And what do you know, it turns out the revolution will not be televised. It’ll be taking place on the internet, where no-one can find it.

Sorry, but this will be my last post. I’m going to start my own ‘unmoderated’ forum if anyone’s interested under my other pseudonym Lewis Jones.
Gruffydd ap Llywelyn

I’m up for it! Let’s go! This place is just too quiet lately, anyway. Shit, all we’ve got left in the comments is some hardcore regular visitors discussing bollocks with agoraphobic racists. We need more action. Where do I sign up?

Where please? Can we all come?
ruffled_feathers

That’s two! Remember, two’s company, three is the magic number…

What are the google keywords to find your blog?
I tried “lewis jones” “blog”, but irrelevant links showed up
Mustafa Yorumcu

Well, that’s three, but we’re shit at using the internet, or at least we’re shit at searching for what could be one of the most popular names in the English language, plus “blog”. I also tried using quotes around all my words, but for some reason a bunch of other people have the same pseudonym. More help!

Give me a chance to create the blog. And without too much advertising, join the two words together and add dot com LOL And yes, everyone can participate all I ask is that you mind your language
Gruffydd ap Llywelyn

You heard it here second, folks. No, Have Your Say is not the be-all and end-all of discussion on the internet. Apparently there’s other places you can go to air your racist, borderline insane, actually insane, phenomenally stupid and utterly depressing views. And everyone can join in. Lewisjones.comlol. It’s like Martin Luther King, only the dream is a reality.

To Alex Gubbay:

Your new ‘game plan’ appears to be all about you, the Editor, the BBC. It will be boring and predictable. Editor’s Pick – who cares???

HYS was interesting and more often than not entertaining, due to poster’s views. There was ‘some’ freedom there which made it so. I will miss these posters and hope to meet up with them again perhaps at Lewis Jones. Good luck to MORERAM and others.
beammeup

You’re right. All we can do now is get over to Lewis Jones’ new ‘unmoderated’ discussion area, where the hot topic of the day is…

…the new BBC Have Your Say format.

Fuck it, wasted my time again. Sorry about that. Here’s some barking mad, borderline racist with a thinly-veiled conspiracy theory about the extinction of white British culture, followed by the tantalising possibility of a vaguely witty comment.

Lets face it BBC, you are really not interested in what people have to say, unless of course it agrees with yourselves. I subscribe to many national newspaper comment sections which are far less restricted then HYS, and at least allow people to have a view. I really do hate political correctness, and lets face it, the BBC is extremely politically correct. Being the voice of the political Liberal Left will always rule the BBC, and anyone who doesn’t agree with your views will always be excluded. It is a sad show of democracy when our national broadcasting company is so undemocratic, but unfortunately the state of our big brother society which tells all UK citizens what they should believe, how they should be anti-Christian, pro Europe, anti British culture because we MUST fit in with our immigrant population and not fly any British flags, must call Christmas, Winter Festival, must not use Christian prayer for anyone, I mean heaven help us all if we believe in God, we are considered freaks. I feel extremely sad that the BBC has become what they are today….slaves to the popular policially correct society, instead of actually having a mind of their own. Thankfully, there are still organisations out there, including many national newspapers, who still have some guts and stand up for the people
KnightShift

Yeah, thank God all you have to represent you is every single newspaper except the Guardian. Otherwise you might end up going crazy.