spEak You're bRanes

Careful, women. This is what can happen if you go out and enjoy yourselves.

And if that’s not enough harrumphing for you, Tara’s dug up this fucker…

These days I always avoid drunken women. Drunken men are bad enough, but drunken women are an absolute nightmare. They’re not only irrational and violent like men; but spiteful and provocative in a uniquely female way. They’re also completely uninhibited sexually, whilst staggering about with more anatomy exposed than covered. They will fawn-over and aggressively flirt with anything in trousers, committing indecent assault almost as a matter of course in the name of `fun’. And if you decline their Amazon overtures, they will either explode into a paroxysm of rage and attack you themselves, incite their boyfriends or husbands to attack on their behalf, or claim that you assaulted them and attempted/committed rape. An obsession with rights has left them with a perverted sense of absolute and self-righteous liberty. Above all things; it is drunken women who have made inner-cities into Saturday night no-go areas for the sober and the sane.
Little Ted

Little Ted, gentleman sex offender, govt_helper with a better editor. He avoids drunken women like the plague. He avoids them by walking straight towards them and dispersing them with his powerful, natural repulsiveness.

If that doesn’t work, he avoids them by getting their partners to beat him up. Then failing that, he avoids them by encouraging them to press charges.

He doesn’t want to do any of this, and he wouldn’t have to if they’d only learn to behave and let go of their silly ideas about ‘rights’ and ‘living their lives the way they see fit’ and ‘expressing their sexuality’ and ‘wearing what they feel like wearing’, because apparently it’s not enough to just stick your cock into her fanny anymore, oh no, now you’re supposed to know what you’re doing with it as well, you’re expected to ‘pleasure’ and ‘satisfy’ her, and woe betide if you don’t, I mean what happened to the good old days when women didn’t really like sex and just pretended to in order to get pregnant and stop you going out and paying for it, and they stood by their man, however revolting he was, not finding attractive men attractive, because they were after more than that, or so they said, but it turns out they aren’t are they, they do want it after all, but then they pretend they don’t want it, and I’m sorry but they’re going to have to make their minds up, do they want it or don’t they, they can’t have it both ways. They need teaching a lesson.

Plus, binge-drinking is detrimental to their health.

Iain found Paul lurking in the comments on this thing about the March 26 protests. You may be wrongfooted early on by what I’ll happily concede is a convincing impression of a reasonable human being. Beware.

I went on the big march, yet I experienced no violence of any kind, although my friend Tony was really pleased to turn up back at the flat with a policeman’s helmet (no, the head wasn’t inside it). That was Grosvenor Square, the famous ‘riot’ of 1968. The media tropes haven’t changed since then, have they? It’s always “Peaceful march ruined by mindless thugs”, followed by some new dollop of oppressive legislation to keep the Mail headline writers happy. Of course, no-one then remembers what the protest was about. One wonders, how many of those masked men kicking at windows were the famous undercover police, or fifth columnists as they used to be known. You can’t tell when they’re masked. It’s really quite alarming, what you’re not allowed to do, say or even think nowadays, how oppressive the authoritarian state has become. While radioactive iodine rains down on Glasgow, a present from @#$%ushima, even George Monbiot now thinks nuclear power is a jolly good idea. But we’re not going to have a say in the matter, are we? – we’re all well-boiled little frogs now.
paul.ingrams

But thanks to his tinfoil hat, Paul has been thinking all kinds of shit, and no motherfucker has kicked his door in and taken him away to any of them government Psi-control Centres yet. Not everyone has been so lucky, however…

“I knew something was very wrong the moment George Monbiot wandered through the back door one day, still wearing his pyjamas, with glassy eyes, flyaway hair and a wet chin.

“‘George?’ I said. ‘You look frightful, old boy. What’s the matter?’

“Staring blankly over my head into the middle distance, George spoke with a voice as flat as my kitchen table: ‘citizen. I have come to tell you about the miracle of nuclear power. Nuclear power is efficient, clean and 100% safe. Nuclear power. This message was brought to you by BNFL plc. Power to you, power to the government. Good day, fellow citizen, I have enjoyed our conversation.’ Then he simply faded into thin air. Gone.

“Well, I thought to myself, this is all very strange. So I decided to post something on the internet about it. But of course, I couldn’t get on the internet. Apparently, you need an internet connection to do that… Yes, convenient, isn’t it? So then I thought, I know! I’ll call the Times news desk, see if they’ll be interested in taking up the story. But I didn’t have a telephone, you see. Or a working line.

“Okay. Not a problem. I’ll ask to borrow a neighbour’s. I was outside before I remembered that I live alone on a tiny, windswept island in the middle of the Atlantic, with no boat or, indeed, any form of transportation.

“I can tell you that sinister forces were at work that day.”

Tinfoil Hat!
RRP £4.93

Have Your Say is changing. Again. And the natives are not happy. Change? What? I DON’T UNDERSTAND. I LIKE THINGS WHEN THEY STAY THE SAME.

They’re adding comment to the bottom of news stories. Whereas at one time you could go and read the news on the BBC website without having some foetid ballache forcing their rancid, shitty, poorly thought out opinion at you, now you won’t be able to escape depressing, awful bollocks because it’ll be right at the bottom of every depressing, awful news story. Just like the Guardian. And don’t we all just strive to have comments of Guardian quality on our news stories?

It’s just too much for some people, and the revolution has started. And what do you know, it turns out the revolution will not be televised. It’ll be taking place on the internet, where no-one can find it.

Sorry, but this will be my last post. I’m going to start my own ‘unmoderated’ forum if anyone’s interested under my other pseudonym Lewis Jones.
Gruffydd ap Llywelyn

I’m up for it! Let’s go! This place is just too quiet lately, anyway. Shit, all we’ve got left in the comments is some hardcore regular visitors discussing bollocks with agoraphobic racists. We need more action. Where do I sign up?

Where please? Can we all come?
ruffled_feathers

That’s two! Remember, two’s company, three is the magic number…

What are the google keywords to find your blog?
I tried “lewis jones” “blog”, but irrelevant links showed up
Mustafa Yorumcu

Well, that’s three, but we’re shit at using the internet, or at least we’re shit at searching for what could be one of the most popular names in the English language, plus “blog”. I also tried using quotes around all my words, but for some reason a bunch of other people have the same pseudonym. More help!

Give me a chance to create the blog. And without too much advertising, join the two words together and add dot com LOL And yes, everyone can participate all I ask is that you mind your language
Gruffydd ap Llywelyn

You heard it here second, folks. No, Have Your Say is not the be-all and end-all of discussion on the internet. Apparently there’s other places you can go to air your racist, borderline insane, actually insane, phenomenally stupid and utterly depressing views. And everyone can join in. Lewisjones.comlol. It’s like Martin Luther King, only the dream is a reality.

To Alex Gubbay:

Your new ‘game plan’ appears to be all about you, the Editor, the BBC. It will be boring and predictable. Editor’s Pick – who cares???

HYS was interesting and more often than not entertaining, due to poster’s views. There was ‘some’ freedom there which made it so. I will miss these posters and hope to meet up with them again perhaps at Lewis Jones. Good luck to MORERAM and others.
beammeup

You’re right. All we can do now is get over to Lewis Jones’ new ‘unmoderated’ discussion area, where the hot topic of the day is…

…the new BBC Have Your Say format.

Fuck it, wasted my time again. Sorry about that. Here’s some barking mad, borderline racist with a thinly-veiled conspiracy theory about the extinction of white British culture, followed by the tantalising possibility of a vaguely witty comment.

Lets face it BBC, you are really not interested in what people have to say, unless of course it agrees with yourselves. I subscribe to many national newspaper comment sections which are far less restricted then HYS, and at least allow people to have a view. I really do hate political correctness, and lets face it, the BBC is extremely politically correct. Being the voice of the political Liberal Left will always rule the BBC, and anyone who doesn’t agree with your views will always be excluded. It is a sad show of democracy when our national broadcasting company is so undemocratic, but unfortunately the state of our big brother society which tells all UK citizens what they should believe, how they should be anti-Christian, pro Europe, anti British culture because we MUST fit in with our immigrant population and not fly any British flags, must call Christmas, Winter Festival, must not use Christian prayer for anyone, I mean heaven help us all if we believe in God, we are considered freaks. I feel extremely sad that the BBC has become what they are today….slaves to the popular policially correct society, instead of actually having a mind of their own. Thankfully, there are still organisations out there, including many national newspapers, who still have some guts and stand up for the people
KnightShift

Yeah, thank God all you have to represent you is every single newspaper except the Guardian. Otherwise you might end up going crazy.

Thanks to Mat.

This is zrzavy.

Red meats PERMANENTLY change the DNA of the bowel. Research it!

We should only eat animals which we can kill with our hands (as our teeth witness).

Humans only eat cows and pigs because we developed tools, but they are not our natural foods and we should not eat it.

Listen to the scientists. They spend their lives researching such things. The masses rely on gut reaction.
zrzavy

Sorry, I couldn’t find a scientist. I went to the local… science park or wherever it is that you find them, but I couldn’t find a scientist for love nor money.

A single blob of human faeces smeared across a shiny glass window was a clue as to their disappearance, as were the piles of clothing in the strangely full car park. But I wasn’t to find out their true fate until I went for a walk that weekend and found a colony of scientists who’d decided to follow your infallible reasoning living in trees, eating bark, throwing their own shit at each other and tearing the throats out of squirrels with their bare teeth. The sight of Richard Dawkins wanking in a tree did faze me for a second, but then I remembered what you wrote and just, you know, joined in. My teeth were telling me it was the natural thing to do.

I’d love to write more, but this just isn’t natural behaviour for a human being. I’d rather be dying a lingering death from a sprained ankle and/or squirrel parasite.

Every wondered why people hate humanities students?

Most of us don’t really bring up what we did at university in polite conversation, because we know that lines like “Well, actually, I don’t see how you could read a book without knowing Freud” in the pub marked us out for cunts then, and that’d go quadruple now. We have to be relatively quiet about knowing this stuff.

So why do people think we’re all useless, pretentious cunts? Enter jnsteele – the kind of person who talks about what they do in class.

These hikes will only transform the academic landscape into ‘a disparative space’, if there is such a term, with only the rich and the poor being able to attend a University institution. It is thus the penalising of the middle class and a condemning of the middle/working class youth by the condem government. There is a condemnation of the youth, which reflects the British landscape; since we are currently in Britain a CONservative liberal DEMocrats NATION. I’m sure the ‘condem’ (Conversative-Lib Dem joke has already been coined elsewhere, if not I shall take some credit).

I’ve also written a short blog of my experience of the student protest at my institution at http://culturalzeitgeist.blogspot.com
jnsteele

No, there’s no such term as ‘disparative space’, and just because you’re the first one to come up with it, that doesn’t mean it’s indicative of genius or anyone wants to hear it. There wasn’t anything known as the ‘shit hedgehog’ until I ate 14 Weetabix covered with All-Bran and stuck toothpicks in the result – but that doesn’t mean my wife was happy when I gave it to her for her birthday. Not even when I told her it had a name.

I’m some kind of glutton for punishment, though, because I went to her blog and found this. It’s interesting to note that the observation of the protests and the genesis of the ‘disparative space’ theorem involved six years of university, getting pissed up before you start and being a smug cunt, albeit a smug cunt who keeps the warm, smug, superior feeling inside where it can’t get you kicked repeatedly in the tits. No actual protests involved, or indeed work, except on my part when I drilled a disparative space in the base of my skull as the only appropriate antitdote to this horseshit.

Most of us can just about deal with the fact that there are brown people in the world. Especially when so many of them are safely quarantined in oppressive regimes.

But what happens when they start clamouring for the right to self-govern? Can they be trusted with freedom? Are they ready for it? Or will they, in fact, use it to mount global jihad? I think we all know the answer to that question. jack certainly thinks he does.

He doesn’t, though, he’s a fucking moron. Thanks to Andrew for finding him.

Should we be concerned about Egypt, I am old enough to remember 1967, the Middle East War only ceased because the West bought off Egypt! An unstable or at worst an Iranian influenced Egypt will lead to one thing, WW111. WW11 was about the Jews and again WW111 will also be. Just look at Iraq when Sadam was dislodged – mayhem, the same will be the case in Egypt but magnified many times. Be careful what you wish for there are far worse things then the devil!
jack

At least, I hope he’s wrong. The world’s still reeling from WW110.

The Mail milks another corpse.

Thanks to Webby.

Your daughter is now with the Angels now, God bless. Personally, I think it is grotty accommodation they stayed in for their honeymoon.
Anon

Yes, but the young women behind the reception desk are sweet with huge, wary eyes.

Thanks to Andrew for finding this confused helmet, who not only thinks humans don’t commit crime, but once spent twenty minutes screaming at his satnav that it was actualy left, ended up driving 15 miles perpendicular to his destination, parking in a canal, climbing out, walking half a mile to the nearest patch of nettles, throwing himself in, missing and landing in a gorse bush. He probably didn’t actually, but I still like to imagine it.

Runckle wrote:
Personnaly I think all prisoners should lose all their human rights when convicted. So, they should not have the vote. A Human right is a priviledge not a God given right. First, you have to act like a human being before you get the right!

Runckle SHUSH! You apply that kind of rule, and we’ll end up giving the vote away to the first dog that can walk on its hind legs.

“Wasn’t 2010 BRILLIANT!” shrieks Max Hastings, Middle England’s dusty mouthpiece – don’t forget to give it a wipe first! – more totem of bourgeois values than actual, live human being. For those of you wondering why, Hastings cites the following: Prince William got engaged to “a pretty girl”; about one third of England got a proper summer; Downton Abbey; and for the first time in years, we got, in David Cameron, “a proper national leader”, WOOF!

No need to bring up the months of rising public anger, or the cluster of natural disasters mainly affecting non-whites, or the fact that Hastings’ card was declined whilst he was trying to purchase his wife’s Christmas present, as it should be clear to all by now that stern old Uncle Max is greeting the new year in whimsical mood. Or at least, as close as he can get to such a thing. File under ‘Yawn’ and move on. Except, Kris has found this bloke, who seems to have had a whimsy bypass…

No, MAX! There is a great deal wrong with our country and, sadly, many people like you are acting like the proverbial camels. Here’s a list:- 1. Too many people not prepared to work, 2. Education far too left wing and cannot be described any longer as education, 3. Bilderbergers controlling the world governments, 4. Police forces out of control and responsible, complicit with many in the judiciary and the so-called Ombudsmen, of allowing appalling crimes against families to continue with children and houses stolen from individuals wrongly. 5. And , most seriously, a TREASON against our Bill of Rights and Magna Carta that has left us with no Monarch since 1972, and which the police forces up and down the country refuse to deal with thereby committing MISPRISION of TREASON themselves. This, MAX, is indeed a lawless land. Your foolish optimism (or worse?), my lad, is way off the mark.
Bring Back Law ‘N’ Order, What used to be a pleasant place

What must it be like to be absolutely wrong about everything? And not just wrong, as in ‘not right’, but so completely wide of the mark – like, 6,000 miles at 90 degrees to the mark – that people only ever look at you out the side of their heads, with panic in their eyes, while they’re slowly edging away, muttering about you to their friends. Their actual friends. People they want to spend their time with. Awful, I should think. No wonder BBL’N'O is so angry.

Something about Facebook.

What a sad world we are becoming.

It was once thought that technology especially computers would be a slave to man, a tool to ease his burden and give him greater leisure time but it seems to me that man is becoming the slave to technoogy with people spending every spare minute glued to their computer.

If that’s living then its your choice and your welcome to it personally I would much prefer to go for walk in the country and stop and chat with people in the flesh.

Don’y get me wrong, social networking sites have their place in society and are brilliant for the less abled bodied person although experience tells me that many of the so called less abled bodied people would benefit from a walk in the country.
RonC

It was once thought that computers would be a slave to man, but since the advent of the internet they’ve actually just become a massive fucking irritant, like a horrible genetic cross between blackfly and crabs. Who would have thought how wrong we could have been, waiting for our computers to evolve into giant flying fucking cars or something and instead getting people like Ron crowded round the internet eagerly waiting to Have Their Say on a variety of stupid, banal and repetitive topics by posting stupid, banal and repetitive opinions like “Technology was supposed to be a slave to man but now we’re its slaves! It’s the Matrix all over again!” and “I don’t know who this person is!” and “Personally, I don’t watch that/listen to music/breathe through my nose, so I don’t have an opinion, but it’s all shit anyway,” and “Slow news day!” and “These cripples are all faking it. I have much experience with this because I once pitched my mother out of her wheelchair and set fire to the house, and the fire brigade still turned up. Bitch must have been swinging the lead. QED.”

Simple solution to these Facebook so-called-disableds, though. Stick pins in their legs. They’d soon walk. Right, Ron?

Right.

Merry Fucking Christmas.