spEak You're bRanes

I found Davidethics, the most pompously petulant bumgrape I’ve seen for quite a while. David is quite sure that he is very, very clever.

First off, I’ve collected a few of his “moderation martyr” sign-offs. He not only believes that HYS is important enough that people are trying to censor it to stop the truth getting out but that he, in particular, is one of the brave voices of dissent that they are so desperate to silence. This kind of tinpot mentalism is the essence of all the good comments. Sure, there’s endless stupidity and racism on there, but it’s the ones that really believe HYS is important that make us giggle. This is just the tip of the iceberg:

And I wish I could speak my mind on HYS on this important matter. It is like the 1930s.
So go on. Reject this.

OK. Now reject this.

For goodness sake – you cannot reject this comment.

Dear moderators – ask your bosses if they will allow you to publish this note mentioning the dolphin cull: it is an envrionmental matter.

I guess this comment will not get past the moderators. But I don’t care

Are we allowed to criticise developers on HYS? Maybe just put this comment at the end of the moderation queue eh.

Moderators have no fear I make no comment on religion; your relativism is safe.

I expect David wrote to “Jim’ll Fix It” every fucking week and only a BBC/Soviet plot prevented him from getting to meet Sebastian Coe. And don’t get him started on the national fucking lottery. Stands to reason he should have won by now if it wasn’t rigged.

I came from a poor area but went to a grammar school where the teachers laughed at our working class accents. We were taught how Britain ruled the world and how the empire would last forever, that black children were piccanninies, and that we were heading for a new ice age. We were told that everything to do with America was common and brash, and that science was for boys and literature for girls. I truanted until I was old enough to be expelled. Took A levels part time, got a first and a Phd.
[Davidethics]

You’re probably beginning to get a sense of just how clever he is and I expect you are now keen to see this great public intellectual enter the theatre of HYS debate, illuminating truth and laying waste to myth. A bit like Gandalf at the battle of Helm’s Deep.

I disagree with capital punishment. But taking the cultural relativist position which is dominant in the UK – and here on HYS -the Chinese were absolutely right to execute him, for whatever reason and for whatever standard of proof is relative to their culture.
It is pointless for politicians and the media to complain. If multiculturalism is acceptable then anyone can do what they like -anywhere – with our citizens.
Meanwhile – some of us believe in universal values.But not on BBC forums.
[Davidethics]

Woah David, slow down fella! Multiculturalism? Cultural relativisim? Universal values? This is heady stuff. But you can’t just go chucking all that shit in and expect us all to understand. Perhaps you need to go back a few steps and explain? If we’re to reject this cultural relativism thingy and work towards a set of universal values, at last uniting the planet in justice and peace, how should we go about it?

As the war on terror is likely to continue for many years we should take a long term view. Look into the possible introduction of separate air transport for certain groups of people, as identified by their passports. To save naming any ethnic group let us, for example, have separate air transport for the people of Wonderland whose deity is the Wizard.. They could have wonderland pilots too, and have wonderland insurance rates.And the rest of us would not require such stringnent controls.
[Davidethics]

Gotcha. We need to ban Pakis.

HYS is hardly populated by the brightest of sparks. If your every waking moment is haunted by the repetitive wheezing sound of your punctured ego asking “what about meeeee???”, what the greasy fuck is the point of whining about it to a bunch of similarly self-absorbed underachievers who are all thinking exactly the same thing? It’s like an everlasting AA meeting where everyone takes their turn to stand up and say “Hi, my name’s Balthazar and I’m an…” only to be interrupted by the next person along saying “Whatever. My name’s Methuselah and…” and so on. Forever. Happy Christmas HYS.

But even by HYS standards, Vincent Van Dict is awesomely stupid. I nearly had to add an extra category for him.

Should airport security get tougher?

No it should not get tighter.

All that is required is to ban ALL muslims from planes, its as simple as that. No muslims on planes means no bombs on planes simple.
Vincent Van Dict, Revolution city

They could get rid of all that complicated x-ray shit and just ask everyone to tick a box that says “I ♥ pork”.

Might be worth adding an “I promise not to blow the plane up” tickbox as well, just to catch the occasional non-Muslim terrorist.

Just a quick one before Christmas – goodwill to all men and so on, I’m off to drink myself into a coma. Thanks to Colin for the spot. Would you watch an election debate between the main UK party leaders?

immigration,mps expences lack of prosecutions,welfare benefits for imigrants who put nothing in the system. afghanistan,why aid for other countries before british pensioners.no univercity places for british kids but student visas going abroad.high cost of living and taxes.no referendem on europe.

mick woollard

We didn’t start the fire…

Thanks to Patrick for the only HYS post in history willing to give a tea-leaf the benefit of the doubt:

How is this different to people removing metal plaques from war memorials or lead off church roofs? It may not be sold as a sign, but with metal prices as high as they are it could already be melted down and reused. As a sign it may have sentimental meaning, but it could just be an act of theft, not “a declaration of war” against the Jewish state.

Phil, London, UK

While we’re at it, why are we so sure that Auschwitz was a death camp? Maybe it was just a very poorly-run Butlins with a central heating system that wasn’t CORGI-approved. But you could get away with that before Health And Safety went mad with political correctness.

In the interest of balance, Sarah has found someone who’s perfectly happy to leap to conclusions about the thieves:

Disgusting ,and it seems with all the immigrants being let into Europe from elsewhere, as well as home grown thieves, this is what we can expected now. In the UK our Labour Government is sooooo dumb that they emply ILLEGAL immigrants as security guards. That is how dumb and incompetent the Labour Govt is.

Kia Fosdter

Kia Fosdter is Professor Emeritus of Common Sense at the University of Well It Stands To Reason Doesn’t It I Mean Are You Blind Or What. You can challenge her for tenure but unless you have a PhD in Only Saying What Everyone’s Thinking I wouldn’t rate your chances.

I think Betrand Russell might just fit into every category we have except ‘miscellaneous prats’ and ‘normal people’. I found him grumbling about pregnant women. Turns out he also feels rather strongly about global warming:

Some say the world is warming, some say the world is cooling. Does it really matter?

Betrand Russell

It does to me. I need to know whether to ask for flip-flops for Christmas or save up to buy a duffel coat this summer.

I am interesed in global warming and science fiction, which are linked, so I have given myself a series of names as a tribute to my heroes. Does this make me, what the kids nowadays call ‘a geek?’

Betrand Russell

I must confess, I’m not down with the lingo. Is ‘geek’ like ‘credulous self-aggrandising gobshite who skim-read one book, agreed with a bit of it and decided he wanted to ride around the thickest regions of internet on the coat-tails of the great philosophers’? If it is, you’re pulling off that “geek-chic” thing fabulously.

Hasn’t history told us again and again that religious intolerance never works?!

Cindy Chaplin, Coggeshall

I agree. I’m off to build a Catholic cathedral in Karachi. I am sure they will be very tolerant there.

Betrand Russell

Good point. Off you go. But I warn you, the local Archbishop don’t like no competition, so don’t come crying to me when the St Patrick’s mob kneecap you and take your grey lego bricks.

Do you know how many refugees the UK accepted last year?

It was 697.

Is all this HYS anger and paranoia really justified?

Col, uk

Why is it that they all appear to be living in my street? Why do people believe the figures of this government?

Betrand Russell

It’s an optical illusion Bettie. The same Somali passes you on the street and says ‘good morning’ several times a week, but it looks like lots because it happens at different times in different places and he’s wearing different clothes.

Anyway, on the basis of this last comment, I think I’ve managed to diagnose Betrand Russell. You see, he’s naturally sceptical of any kind of authority. Facts, statistics, massive buildings right there in front of you, however incontrovertible they may seem, if the pro-government, BBC-run forces of Scientific Consensus want you to believe it, it follows ergo QED that the opposite must be true. Like, for example, the Hollywood Establishment will tell you it was “just an actor”, that they used “special effects” and that he might recently have “died” of “cancer”, but do they really think you’re too stupid to see through that?

Patrick Swayze will live forever as his character in ‘Ghost.’

Betrand Russell

Unless they shoot him for his views on Anthropogenic Global Warming, that is.

Now then. What with all this “news” and shit going on, some of you may have missed Richard Thomspon’s decision to appoint Richard Thompson as the American Ambassador to Have Your Say.

The way everyone’s going all up in a tissy over some inches of snow, one would think the four horsemen of the Apocalypse are wreaking havoc over Europe. And these are the same people that lectured us how we couldn’t handle something as powerful as hurricane Katrina?
Richard Thompson, Cape Coral, United States

Yeah, those people! Those damn people who lectured you about Katrina! Bah! I’m imagining them right now. They really are the worst imaginary fuckers I’ve ever imagined. One of them has got a very dirty bottom. Gah.

As I’m sure you’re aware, an American Ambassador’s job mainly involves “explaining WWII” to Europe. Thompson certainly doesn’t shirk this duty.

“Europe is a safer place without the US.”
ste, liverpool

Every time the US left Europe fend for herself, a world war broke out. That’s some safe place.
Richard Thompson, Cape Coral, United States

“Special relationship??? Do me a favour. They only joined WW2 when they got attacked, and then made us re-pay for the next 60+ years for “helping us out”. Some friend eh???”
Mark, Leigh, Lancs

You could be my best friend in the whole wide world, but if I lend you money so that you get out of a big mess, I expect you to pay me back. “Some friend” should apply to those who whine to pay back what they BORROWED. We are not a charity and we didn’t twist your arm to sign lend lease program.
Richard Thompson, Cape Coral, United States

You’re good at this Ambassador stuff. I do wonder if you’re really speaking on behalf of Americans though.

“Dear BBC,
I am so sorry for the death of Senator Edward Kennedy of the USA. I extend my Sympathy to the American Government for the death of that great hero.”
Bob G. Smith, Buchanan, Liberia

My deepest thanks to you and everyone else for your kind words on behalf of Americans.

And to some of our “friends and allies” here speaking ill of the dead, what a classless sad bunch of venomous snakes you are.

*My apologies to venomous snakes everywhere for the insult.
Richard Thompson, Cape Coral, United States

Oh. Apparently you are speaking on behalf of Americans. Sorry Richard, I stand corrected. I hadn’t realised that all 300 million of you were rubbish cocks*.

*My apologies to rubbish cocks everywhere for the insult.

I’m beginning to think that your diplomatic skills are wasted on mere Ambassadology. Perhaps it’s time you started thinking about your next role? Everyone’s awful confused about climate change right now and Have Your Say sorely needs a straight-taking Massive Chief Scientist who’ll share his inklings about that shit.

Thanks to the missus for finding this.

According to the Empire forum stats, warneford87 joined in April 2006 but didn’t have anything to say until Brittany Murphy died. This is currently his/her only post.

R.I.P Brittany Murphy Bless you poem

You were in Sin City,
I thought you were pretty,
Just Married was a flop,
It wasn’t much cop,
6 Mile was about rap,
You certainly were not crap,
So why did you have to die?
To make movies in the sky?
Why why why why why why why??????????
One less house for santa this year,
One less house of christmas cheer,
Now you are with the king of pop
In the section of heaven where hearts have stopped,
Are you an angel now?
Did you get your wings somehow,
Every time a bell rings,
An angel gets it’s wings,
I hope for you that bell ring a ding dings,
Bless You.
xx
warneford87

That’s lovely. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if she comes back from the fucking dead, just to say thanks.

I dared to hope that a series of pictures of a man being stoned for adultery in Somalia wouldn’t provoke much hilarity in a sane world. And it doesn’t. Not even in the insane world of the Daily Mail, where light relief is attempted in the form of the same Tiger Woods joke repeated 872 times.

Filter out those and all the BNP propaganda, and you’re pretty much left with the following…

(No thanks to Graham.)

Funny how it’s considered repulsive to stone a man to death for adultery yet acceptable in “more civilized” societies for people to cheat on their spouses.

Hmm… If only this was standard punishment for all adulterers.
Posole, Los Angeles, California

Yeah, that is strange, now you mention it. Yet again, it’s one rule for adulterers, another for murderous thugs burying people up to their necks in the ground and throwing stones at them.

When my ex-husband had an affair, I would have loved to throw stones at his head. Stupid human right laws.
Liz, Washington

Remember the days – simpler, happier days – when we could brutally kill our cheating partners without any sandal-wearing, mung bean-eating, busybody New Liebour thought-police bastards whining at us about our partners’ right not to be slowly bludgeoned to death with rocks? But what about us? What about our right not to be cheated on? Are you listening, Gordon Brown?

At least he didn’t get ‘community service’ like the scumbags here get.

The state of our world continues to sicken me.
Katy, Buckingham

Katy neatly sums up all of our frustrations re: the previous scenario. Not only is it forbidden to take the punishment of philandering partners into our own hands; to make matters worse, the law in the UK is too feeble to impose upon them any sentence harsher than a few hours covering up graffiti on a flyover.

We’re all fucked.

This sort of action could stop the spread of aids??
CJ, Ireland

Hello, is that Médecins Sans Frontières? Sack the condoms off, we’ve got a better idea… One the Pope might even like!

I know, it’s vile and cruel for someone to have to go through something like that. On the other hand, however, why wasn’t the woman involved stoned to death? I can understand why, to an extent, but I personally think both parties involved should have the SAME sentence, as adultery is a very wrong thing to do. Not punishable by a very…ah… painful death, but most certainly something painful. It’s also quite humiliating for the poor man who was stoned to death to have photos taken of him while it happened. In my opinion, those photos shouldn’t have been taken.
Charlotte Delooze, Ashton, Manchester.

It’s bad enough to see a man suffer a slow, agonishing death for the crime of having sexual intercourse out of wedlock. But not seeing a woman get the same treatment is just taking the piss.

A bit harsh for adultery (Cheetah Woods must be glad he is not African).
Good idea for murder, rape and paedophilia (No apologies to the PC Liberal Brigade)

Lighten up a bit, think of the Stoning Scene in “Life of Brian”
Any women here, are you sure?
Arkley Barnet, Still here

Yeah, cheer up, for fuck’s sake, will you? He’s only black. And anyway, this humanity angle is clouding the real issue. Let’s boil this whole sorry thing down to one single objective truth. A truth I’m sure we can all agree on…

Excellant photography,pictures are so clear.
kc, scotland

From me bruv.

It must be difficult for Northerners to understand the disruption caused by the snow, because the disruption is primarily being caused to people with jobs.
Greg

That is brilliant and so true. We were all sat around in Sheffield today trying to decide how to spend t’giros you tax-paying southern ponces keep sending us when someone read your HYS comment on the Yorkshire Internet Computer. We spent a while trying to think of a similarly brilliant retort but then t’bullock escaped from t’lower Wakefield paddock again and t’village elders sent us all out into t’fields to t’get it t’back t’again. T’wat.

We’ve decided to divvy up the gay execution thread, just because there is so much fail of so many sorts to go round.

These people are just human beings like any other. The only difference is they choose to live a different kind of life. We should not discriminate them from others. They have the same rights like every body else. Such laws are very retrogresive and create acrimony for nothing. We should learn to have respect and appreciate other persons lifestyle. We can not all have the same lifestyle. The way we differ in appearance is the same way we differ in thinking.

AUBREY CHINDEFU, LUSAKA ZAMBIA

Aside from minor typos and the fact that it’d do as much good to the world if Aubrey Chindefu had drawn a picture of a walrus on the screen in marker pen, this is an intelligent, reasoned and eloquent comment. I even had to look up ‘acrimony’ and I’m like, really clever. It reminds us, if we needed reminding, that Africa is a huge and diverse place, and the gulfs of opinion can be as wide between two next-door neighbours as they can between Cape Town and Tripoli. Of course, at the close of play, this had all of 3 recommendations because, on the subject of whether Africans should be killing Africans for having the wrong bum-sex with Africans, HYSers aren’t really interested in the African perspective. Not when they could be telling savage, childlike foreigners what to do, anyway.

Are they serious? Seriously? When the rest of the world is trying so hard to recognise Africa as civilized, why do they have to shoot themselves in the foot like this?

licoriceallsorts, candyland

You fucking idiot Africa.

What a barbaric and ignorant proposition. If Africa wants help from the west then I see no reason why we should not attatch some cultural conditions to that aid.

Killing someone because of a personal and private choice is medieval and reflects the emotional immaturity of African socieities. The West needs to stand firm against rubbish like this. If Ugandans want to oppress minorities with death threats then they can ask the Chinese for billions in aid instead, and see how far they get.

A shocked gay man, uk

I understand you’re shocked, shocked gay man, but do you really think stopping Africa’s pocket money will help? With something as extreme as executing gays it should be a simple case of “grow up or get a smacked botty”.

“Nations do not have a right to execute homosexuals,”

Yes they do. They can kill whoever they want. Fortunately we have bigger guns than them, and should currently be sabre rattling.

Matt, Manchester

Hang on Matt, surely a sabre’s a bit excessive. Maybe just pull Uganda’s pants down and use the flat of your hand. Or bomb it from the skies a bit, whichever works for you.

This is a difficult situation to comment on because, as a white person, I know I should be polite when I talk about black people, mindful of 100s of years of European oppression.

But, while generally respecting black people as a race and a culture, I can only describe the Ugandan politicians who are supporting this bill as primitive, superstitious barbarians.

I hope all the decent Ugandans do not allow their country to become synonymous with violent stupidity. Reject this bill

Rocket Scientist

Congratulations. You’re like, the least racist person on HYS. In fact, I’ve made you a special plaque in the form of a very small swastika.

I’m going to end on another sensible comment because we need to remain positive in the face of such massive, massive bollocks. It works best if you picture Ibraheem Hameed as the scatty but amiable vicar of a small country parish, haring into the church and vaulting onto the pulpit to gabble this short comment at breakneck speed, before dashing off to be somewhere else ten minutes ago and leaving his glasses behind.

Death penalty or whichever kind of sanction it may be for homosexual act, the poor masses suffer from it. It is not an act of murder or it like therefore, let them do what they think is good for them. For all of us are sinners.

Ibraheem Hameed, Khartoum

Cast first stone. Forgiveness. Amen. A sermon for the twitter generation.